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Saturday, August 12th, 2006
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3:06 am - Do it.
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Fill this out.
1. Name:
2. Age/Birthday:
3. Single or in a Relationship:
4. Favorite Movie: (or movies)
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Rapper/Artist:
7. Favorite Book/Comic Book:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Favorite TV Show:
10. Favorite Video Game/Board Game:
11. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
12. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
13. If you could change anything about your current life, would you?
14. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
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| Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
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11:35 pm - After a brief respite...
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I've taken awhile off from this journal but I think I'm going to pick it up again. I've just mostly been working, thinking and as always trying to learn everything I can.
Since graduation from high school I've experienced many things. With each of these things I've learned I've realized that I truly am still young.
My faith and beliefs have been shaken several times and I've had several radical changes in my perception of reality.
I've worn my heart on my sleeve, presented my flaws for everyone's inspection, done things I've been extremely proud of, things that shame me to even think of and aired the dirty laundry for everyone to see. I've made many new and different friends and lost several along the way.
Traveling is becoming a new hobby and its one I enjoy. Not all who wander are lost, remember this.
I found something I was searching for, even though I didnt realize at the time thats what I was doing.
And this is my life...and it's ending one second at a time. I was watching Kingdom of Heaven the other day and something I've believe for awhile was summed up best by the templar that traveled with Orlando Blooms character. When the Templars go out to battle the sultan and Orlando knows they're bound to be defeated he asks why he's going. He says that he's riding to certain death...the kinght responds that all death is certain. It's a common thing I've found that goes with deep religious study of any kind. You have to know...not fear....but know that one day, you will die. You will die and everything you've done might not matter at all. Measured against all the time that's come before and all the time that will come after your life span is but a fraction of a second. Everything is dwarfed when compared to infinity.
And I lost my train of thought...as always.
Let me just wrap this up with a pic and some song lyrics for those of you who I know love when I post them.
P.S. Watch Metalocalpyse on Adult Swim.
Angels and Airwaves - The Adventure
I wanna have the same last dream again,
the one where I wake up and I'm alive.
Just as the four walls close me within,
my eyes are opened up with pure sunlight.
I'm the first to know,
my dearest friends,
even if your hope has burned with time,
anything that's dead shall be re-grown,
and your vicious pain, your warning sign,
you will be fine.
Hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.
Any type of love - it will be shown,
like every single tree reach for the sky.
If you're gonna fall,
I'll let you know,
that I will pick you up
like you for I,
I felt this thing,
I can't replace.
Where everyone was working for this goal.
Where all the children left without a trace,
only to come back, as pure as gold,
To recite this all.
Hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.
Tonight,
hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.
Tonight,
hey, oh, here I am,
and here we go, life's waiting to begin.
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
I cannot live, I can't breathe
unless you do this with me
Hey, oh, here I am (do this with me),
and here we go, life's waiting to begin (do this with me).
Hey, oh, here I am (do this with me).
And here we go, life's waiting to begin,
life's waiting to begin
current mood:  chipper
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| Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
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9:06 pm
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Changed my journal up again a little bit.
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| Saturday, May 20th, 2006
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1:41 pm - Stolen from Trin
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| Thursday, May 18th, 2006
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12:32 am
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Time for more of my ramblings. I've been pouring over my old posts between all my different journals. I've come to rely mostly on internet journals for storing info more and more over the last two years. I've burnt too many of my real world journals to trust myself. Writing in my real world journals always makes me feel a lot more...I don't know how to put it but...in touch with myself then doing something online does. I guess it has to do partily with my waxing and waning draw to the internet. Sometimes it's like a drug addiction and then others its like a bad date that I hope never calls back.
Also, by now, if you don't know, my subject titles have little to do with my actual entry. I even do that with titles in real world journals. I also usually tend to end any of my important or entries I wish to remember with lyrics. Or some kind of statement. It's like a sign post for me. I use songs to relive certain moments in time.
For instance Im listening to some old Blink 182 right now. Yes, I said Blink 182. Their song Dammit made it on my list of all time favorite songs. Listening to I remember waking up my room on the floor during my senior year with that song blasting through my radio. Since early in my teens I've been hooking my radio up to my pc, thus to enjoy music to its maxium(also, Im cheap, it was cheaper to *ahem* steal a wire to run my pc through my radio then it was to buy a new sound system for my pc.*RIP ELLIE RIP*).Back to point. This song was blasting through the speakers being played through my prog of choice at the time, Napster. SOMEONE, who will remain nameless, had put the song on repeat and then left, having woken up first. I still remember waking up and everybody asking why the fuck that song just kept playing over and over and over. Certain other songs will remind me of driving around Alvarado after school taking my friends home from school that didn't have cars yet.
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Break in my train of thought.
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I wish I could sing. I truly do. To those of you that can, enjoy it. Abuse it. Mis-use it. Cherish it. Do everything that those of us who can't sing wish we could.
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Should I peel back my skin to show you my cracked heart? Theres a name and a story to go with every crack. Should I forget my past for my future? But if I do....with no past will I have a future?
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I fear something. It's a mindset. I fear that one day I will wake up and realize I've lost the ability to enjoy life. My moods may swing and some days might seek darker then others but through it all I can take joy in simply being alive. This previous sunday I took the most enjoyment from walking home in rain. Walking home in the dark, in the rain, calmed me down and made my heart smile more then it had almost the entire week. My entire being felt refreshed. For a minute or two I just stood there with my arms open, head held back, just letting the rain fall on and around me. It's. It's more then spiritual. It's something that can only be felt. Something that can't be expained in words. I wish everyone could enjoy life like I do sometimes. Drinking chocolate milk, a nice breeze, summer rains, seeing the ones you love smile, all of these things and so much more and what make life worth living. Maybe I took it all wrong the first time I watch Fight Club but I believed Tyler. The things you own, end up owning you. Material possessions are becoming the basis of some many different peoples lives. How big is your tv? How many computers do you own? Do you have a laptop? PC or Mac? Which IPOD do you own? Do you have cable or satellite? One car, two or three? How big is your house? Do you have a summer house? How about your clothes? What do your clothes say about you? How about your shoes? Jewerly? Do you have lots of "bling?" What's YOUR credit rating? WHATS YOUR NET WORTH?!?! Why are these the questions that most people tend to ask themselves? All bow before the mighty dollar and the country that worships it, America. Americans throw more food away every day then some families will see in a year. We are the country of waste, abundance and the "freedom" to tell everyone else to move here or shut the fuck up. People are more worried about gas prices and how they're going ot afford all the possessions they want, plus the basics of living, then they are about WHY things are the way they are. Or about listening to suggestions from other countries on things we could to do to improve things. We're too busy "liberating" other countrys. But let's not talk about Africa. Or, I've got a question...what about that area we simply used to call...Eurasia. Let's talk more about whats going on in Hollywood and about the new features you can get on your cellphone then how our rights in this country are being stripped away. And while talking about what's just going on in OUR country, avoid talking about big business and ignore anything the goverment or the media doesn't directly bring to your attention. How about the fact that almost NO ONE seems to care that the big music companies are KILLING OFF indepent labels as fast as they can pop up? Or how about the fact that immigration was an issue BEFORE 9/11? Let's spend more time fighting about GOD and religions then actually reading the texts that go with the religions.
GOD WAS VENGEFUL BUT JESUS WAS A HIPPIE. WHO DO YOU LISTEN TO? God sent angels to carry out his wrath but Jesus spoke of peace. Christians, Muslims are angry because you keep telling them their worshipping Yahweh wrong. Muslims, Christians are angry because they don't realize that Jesus was a prophet as well. Pagans are mad that everyone seems to have forgotten they ARENT satanists. Satanists are pissed off because no one takes them seriously...which...honestly....how do you guys read your history and NOT know that it's a big joke? Satan comes from the word Shaitain. Which means ADVESERY. Lucifer was the morning star. A bringer of LIGHT. *sigh* So many things have gotten clumped together over the years. All the different names for "satan" are actually different gods from different old religions. Just like how most of the saints in christianity used to be old gods as well. And, why Im saying this, WHY DO YOU CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF CHRIST IN DECEMBER WHEN THE BIBLE SAYS HE WAS BORN IN MARCH?!?! DO YOU EVEN KNOW?
History becomes more and more a subject that I hear from people is "stupid, boring and hard to learn." History is our PAST. And it's written by the victors. Always remember the history you read is set in a light that shows the victors as being in the right. For an example I'll just use how different the civil war is looked on depending on what part of the country you grew up in. How about our founding fathers? THEY WERE REBELS AND BRIGANDS. WE EMPLOYED PIRATES IN OUR NAVY AND USED NATIVE AMERICANS TO HELP WIN THE LAND WE STOLE FROM THEM. I love hearing this stuff about being "a true american" from people. Hahahahaha. That means what? Your family's been here for at least one generation? Seriously. This isn't Europe, ANYONES family history will only go back so far in this country, unless you're a native american. Perhaps if you read history you'll notice that a lot of Europeans countries sent MURDERS, CRIMINALS AND RELIGIOUS FANATICS to the new world.
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Democracy is failing because it works behind the idea that a group of idiots voting on something are more intelligent then a smaller group of educated people.
Also, ALL ORGANIZED RELIGIONS AND GOVERMENTS WILL FAIL EVENTUALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PUT TOGETHER, RUN, AND BASED ON HUMANS. HUMANS ARE FLAWED. ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS.
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Blah.
That is all I have to say for now. And, for the record, if you disagree with anything I say, have comments you wish to voice, feel free.
Below are lyrics as normal.
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Taking Back Sunday - The Ballad Of Sal Villanueva
It's not that I don't trust you
well I just know what you've been up too
and well this dial tone is agreeing with everything I've had in mind.
and you've got your high as a kite tricks in the bag.
so as his eyes move past your shoulder
and your shades start moving in the same direction
don't worry I, well I won't say a thing.
and you can't blame a girl for (you can't blame a girl for)
stickin' to what she knows..(stickin' to what she knows)
I hope he takes his time
and I hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
I hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
cause I can, I can.
I hope he takes his time
and I hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
I hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
cause I can, I can.
if I could get to sleep
then, I guess you could stop pretendin'.
cause if I didn't think you loved it,
well then I wouldn't play along
and you've got your high as a (you've got your high as a)
kite tricks in the bag..(kite tricks in the bag)
I hope he takes his time
and I hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
I hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
cause I can, I can.
I hope he takes his time
and I hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
I hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
cause I can, I can.
you're down for sellin' me out
while I play dumb,
it's cool cause I let you, thought I'd never catch you,
you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, I bet. I bet.
you're down for sellin' me out
while I play dumb,
it's cool cause I let you, thought I'd never catch you,
you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, I bet. I bet.
you're down for sellin' me out
while I play dumb,
it's cool cause I let you, thought I'd never catch you,
you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, I bet. I bet.
forget your legs around my hips.
forget your hands pressed on my back.
forget the letters that I kept.
this is another I won't send.
forget your lips, your eyes, your thighs.
forget our one last kiss goodnight.
forget me stakin' out your house.
this time I've got you figured out.
forget your legs around my hips.
forget your hands pressed on my back.
forget the letters that I kept.
this is another I won't send
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| Monday, May 8th, 2006
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6:39 am - Would you have loved me either way?
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It's my 23rd birthday. Listen to this song and Pardom Me by Incubus to get an idea of how I feel.
____________________
Coheed and Cambria - The Suffering
Is there a word or right to say
Even in this old fashioned way?
Go make your move, girl
I'm not coming home
Would things have changed if I could've stayed?
Would you have loved me either way?
Dressed to the blues.
Day to day with my collar up.
Decision sits so make it quick
A breath inhaled from an air so sick
I cursed the day I had learned
Of the web you spun...
You had your hold till bleeding
Hey, Hey!
If it was up to me
I would've figured you out
Way before the year clocked out
Oh, I hope you're waiting
Hey, Hey!
If it was up to me
I would've never walked out
So until the sun burns out
Oh, I hope you're waiting
Would we have lived as a child would care?
With this vial to drink I dare
(Oh where have you been, oh where have you been)
Only to cry all alone with your taste on tongue
(Oh where have you been if it hurts to be forgiving? Bye)
Should we try this again with hope? (Bye, bye)
Or is it lost, give up the ghost
And should I die all alone as I knew I would...
Then burn in hell young sinner
Hey, Hey! (Ha ha)
If it was up to me
I would've figured you out
Way before the year clocked out
Oh, I hope you're waiting
Oh, I hope you're waiting
Listen well... will you marry me?
Not now, Boy
Are you well in the Suffering?
You've been the most gracious of hosts
You may be invited, girl, but you're not coming in
Listen well... will you marry me?
Not now, Boy
Are you well in the Suffering?
You've been the most gracious of hosts
I may be invited, girl, but I'm not coming in
Hey, Hey!
If it was up to me (you had your hold)
I would've figured you out
Way before the year clocked out
Oh, I hope you're waiting
Hey, Hey!
If it was up to me (give up the ghost)
I would've never walked out (Oh where have you been, oh where have you been)
So until the sun burns out (Oh where have you been if it hurts to be forgiving?)
Oh, I hope you're waiting
Listen well... will you marry me?
Not now, Boy
Are you well in the Suffering?
You've been the most gracious of hosts
You may be invited, girl, but you're not coming in
Listen well... will you marry me?
Not now, Boy
Are you well in the Suffering?
You've been the most gracious of hosts
I may be invited, girl, but I'm not coming in
Listen well... will you marry me?
Not now, Boy
Are you well in the Suffering?
You've been the most gracious of hosts
You may be invited, girl, but you're not coming in
Listen well... will you marry me?
Not now, Boy
Are you well in the Suffering?
You've been the most gracious of hosts
I may be invited, girl, but I'm not coming in
And you're not coming in
<img src="http://home.earthlink.net/~radi0act1v3man/images/FLCL_8.jpg" alt="..and the one thing I want for my birthday I won't get. I want to hear your voice in the next room or feel you next to me when I wake up.
current mood:  sad
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| Sunday, April 30th, 2006
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8:09 pm - "If you keep asking me I'll melt away in the summer air.."
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Friday Jason left to go to the four quaters farm for an event this weekend. I spent most of the day on friday mowing and doing lawn work.
On saturday I woke up, cleaned myself up and went walking around York looking for places that are hiring. I ended up walking around and listening to cds and putting in apps at Excards, Lowes, Home Depot, Dollar Tree and a gas station. Then came back to the house and finished up some of the lawnwork from Friday, i.e. weed eating and pulling up some of the last of the poison ivy on the east side of the house. Later the night Nicole came down with a friend of hers and we all went out and got some beers at Outback. Came back to the house and watched a moviie, talked and had some pizza. Nicole and her friend left and then I ended up passing out about 3 or so.
Today me and Brad went to see a baseball game in Baltimore. Watched the game and then hung out for a little bit aftewards. Then went to Outback and had a few drinks. Ah, cranberry and vodka for the win!
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Friday night I talked to her. I...miss her. :(
current mood: drunk
current music: Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue CD
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| Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
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12:48 pm - Not all who wander are lost
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So this post is a few dates late but I've made it.
I now live on the East Coast.
Currenlty I'm living in York, PA. We're about a 30-40 minute drive from Baltimore in good traffic, a little longer in bad.
Hopefully soon me and Jason will be able to get jobs and move there or at least close to that area.
We left Thursday night and ended up driving till friday night when we stopped in Virginia. Slept, ate breakfast and then got back on the road. We got here about 3 in the afternoon on saturday and spent the rest of the day relaxing and winding down from such a long drive. Met all of Jason's immediate family, well most of them.
Sunday we went to an Easter outing over in Bel Air with more of Jason's family. I got to meet about a 1/3 of them and talk with several of them for a decent amount of time.
Monday was spent cleaning out the basement and garage. Well I should say we started doing that. It will take a bit more to finish it all up so me and Jason can claim the basement as our living area. Sadly the area downstairs, with a bar, is pretty much the same size as the entire house we lived at in Arlington. Then the rest of jasons immediate family came over for their own Easter dinner. I got to meet Jasons little sister Nichole and her husband. Nicholes son, Ryder, a little over a year I think, is the center of attention for everyone when he comes over. He's a little hellion and picks up on stuff pretty quicly. Plus he's a climber so you have to watch him. Also Jasons other brother Branden, who I met in Texas, came over and we all chilled out for a bit in the basement playing RE4 for awhile.
Yesterday was spent driving around Maryland looking for the little town that Jason's friend JC lives in. We finally got there after getting several bad directions from the hick-a-billy people that live in the little towns between major cities out here. I thought Texas was bad with them but at least Texas people can give you good directions. You might not understand what they're saying in Texas but they at least know road names and land marks. Anyways we saw Jasons god-children, the twins, Tristen and Quentin and the new baby Lillian. We chilled there till about 6 or so and then drove back.
Today will be spent doing more cleaning of the basement and who knows what else.
Tomorrow will be spent doing what I normally do on that day. Enjoying myself. :D
Anyways. This is all of an update that Im going to be doing for now. I'm off to put in some apps online and look for a job close by to start out up here. Wish me luck!
Jacob
P.S. The weather here is fantastic! For those of you in Texas who read this, it hasnt been above 80 since we got here. :D
current mood: ecstatic
current music: sound of mowers outside
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| Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
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1:18 am - Slight change of plans.
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So since Jason basically got fired and they told me not to bother coming back past tonight at Racetrac, we will be leaving a little bit sooner then before. Thursday night more then likely. Friday at the latest. The internet is going out to tomorrow and I dont know if it'll be back up again before I leave. This might be my last post for awhile until me and Jason get everything set up. To those who wish to talk to me, I suggest calling me. I might be asleep, leave a message and I WILL get back to you. Wish me luck everybody!
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| Monday, April 10th, 2006
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3:06 pm - My current mood. And no, I dont believe in cutting stuff :P
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*inserts Incubus cd Make Yourself in cd player*
*pushes play*
Privilege
Isn't it strange that a gift could be an enemy?
Isn't it weird that a privilege could feel like a chore?
Maybe it's me but this line isn't going anywhere
Maybe if we looked hard enough, we could find a backdoor
(Find yourself a backdoor)
I see you in line, dragging your feet
You have my sympathy
The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege
Isn't it strange that the man standing in front of me
Doesn't have a clue why he's waiting, or what he's waiting for?
Maybe it's me, but I'm sick of wasting energy
Maybe if I look in my heart I could find a backdoor
(Find yourself a backdoor.)
I see you in line, dragging your feet
You have my sympathy
The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege
Consequense
Blink and you miss a beat
Keep one of your eyes open at all times
Think that you're on the brink?
The shit hasn't even begun to hit the fan
Consequence you'll see will be stranger than a gang of drunken mimes
Situation has a stink
Better clear the air before your son becomes a man
Blink. Everything's been augmented
You've been left so far behind
Think, for sure, next time you should wear a pair of eyes in the back of your head
Consequence you've seen has been stranger than sci-fi of any kind
Situation baffles me
I guess it's true you too are one of the walking dead
You better think fast!
Cause' you never know what's comin' around the bend
You better not blink!
For Consequence is a bigger word than you think
It's bigger than you or me
When It Comes
It's comin' around again
They're letting it out again
It's comin' around again
They're letting it out again
When it comes, it comes abrupt
And it feels, it feels like trading brains with an imbecile
For real
Yes, I feel emphatic about not being static
And not buying philosophies that are sold to me, at a steal
Just when you thought it was safe to think
In comes mental piracy!
What I'm looking for cannot be sold to me
I wish they all would stop trying
Cause' what I want and what I need
Is and will always be free
It's comin' around again
They're letting it out again
It's comin' around again
They're letting it out again
When it comes, it comes unannounced
And it feels like a matador is taunting me
With his reddest red cloth
And I am the bull
Yes, I feel emphatic about not being static
And not eating the bullshit that's being fed to me no more
Cause' now I'm full
Just when you thought it was safe to think
In comes mental piracy!
What I'm looking for cannot be sold to me
I wish they all would stop trying
Cause' what I want and what I need
Is and will always be free
Make Yourself
If I hadn't made me
I would've been made somehow
If I hadn't assembled myself
I'dve fallen apart by now
If I hadn't made me
I'd be more inclined to bow
Powers that be would have swallowed me up
But that's more than I can allow
If you let them make you
They'll make you papier-mache
At a distance you're strong
Until the wind comes
Then you crumble and blow away
If you let them fuck you
There will be no foreplay
But rest assured
They'll screw you complete
Til' your ass is blue and grey
You should make amends with you
If only for better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try and Make Yourself?
If I hadn't made me
I'dve fallen apart by now
I won't let em' make me
It's more than I can allow
So when I make me
I won't be papier-mache
And if I fuck me
I'll fuck me in my own way
You should make amends with you
If only for better health
But if you really want to live
Why not try and Make Yourself?
Make Yourself
Clean
Today, everything was fine
Until roundabout, quarter to nine
I suddenly found myself in a bind
Was it something I said?
Something I read and manifested that's getting you down?
Don't you dare come to bed with that ambiguous look in you eye
I'd sooner sleep by an open fire and wake up fried
Say what you will, say what you mean
You could never offend, your dirty words come out clean
Tomorrow, what price will I pay?
Could I make it all up to you by serving coffee for two in bed?
Would you then gimme the time of day?
I need a map of your head
Translated into English so I can learn to not make you frown
You'd feel better if you'd vent
Put your frustrations into four letter words and let them out on mine
The most weathered ears in town
Say what you will, say what you mean
No, You could never offend, your dirty words come out clean
Out From Under
To resist is to piss in the wind
Anyone who does will end up smelling
Knowing this, why do I defy?
Because my inner voice is yelling
There is a fist pressing against anyone who thinks something compelling
Our intuit we're taught to deny
And our soul we're told is for selling
Get out from under them
Resist and multiply!
Get out from under precipice and see the sky!
Get out from under them
Resist, unlearn, defy!
Get out from under precipice and see the sky!
Nowhere Fast
Will I ever get to where I'm going?
Will I ever follow through with what I had planned
I guess it's possible that I have been a bit distracted
And the directions for me are a lot less in demand
Will I ever get to where I'm going?
If I do, will I know when I am there? If the wind blew me in the right direction
Would I even care?
I would
I take a look around
It's evident the scene has changed
And there are times when I feel improved upon the past
Then there are times when I can't seem to understand at all and yes
It seems as though I'm going nowhere... really fucking fast
The Warmth
I'd like to close my eyes and go numb
But there's a cold wind coming from
The top of the highest high-rise today
It's not a breeze cause' it blows hard
Yes, and it wants me to discard the humanity I know
Watch the warmth blow away
Do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier?
And leave in my wake a trail of fear?
Or should I hold my head up high
And throw a wrench and spokes by
Leaving the air behind me clear?
Don't let the world bring you down
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold
Remember why you came
And while you're alive
Experience the warmth before you grow old.
Stellar
Meet me in outer space
WE could spend the night
Watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place
Won't you come with me?
We could start again
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew
Meet me in outer space
I will hold you close
If you're afraid of heights
I need you to see this place
It might be the only way
That I can show you how
It feels to be inside of you
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew
You are stellar
Drive
Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, aunting mass appeal
But lately I am beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found
So whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes
Would you kill the Queen to crush the hive?
Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive?
I Miss You
To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you?
I see your picture
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you
Pardon Me
A decade ago
I never thought I would be
At twenty three
On the verge of spontaneous combustion
Woe-is-me
But I guess that it comes With the territory
An ominous landscape of never ending calamity
I need you to hear
I need you to see
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like
A definite possibility to me
So pardon me while I burst into flames
I've had enough of the world
And it's people's mindless games
So pardon me while I burn
And rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me
I'll never be the same
Not two days ago
I was having a look
In a book and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
I said, "I can relate,"
Cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from
The burdens of the planet earth
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D
And thinking so much differently
So pardon me while I burst into flames
I've had enough of the world
And it's people's mindless games
So pardon me while I burn
And rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me
I'll never be the same
current mood: melancholy
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| Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
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10:42 pm - A semi-real update.
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So since Trin basically asked, I will do a real update. Hmmm let's see.
I have a job at Racetrac that I find out where I start on thursday and begin working on friday. The only thing that will keep me from getting this job is not passing the criminal background check, which I should.
In other news I'm trying to decide what else I want to do. It's time again for me to try to figure out what I want to do.
A career.
Of some kind.
I just.
I'm thinking of picking something at random.
With a dart board.
Any suggestions from anyone would be of a great help.
And to get a few off the list before anyone suggests them NO BAND DIRECTOR OR TEACHER JOBS.
current mood:  creative
current music: adult.swim
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6:08 pm
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New back ground pic. Thanks Britt. :D
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| Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
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3:14 pm - Which should I be more sorry for?
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One of my all time favorite songs.
Silencer by Me without You
Don't waste your lips on words I've heard before
Kiss my tired head.
And each letter written wastes your hand, young man
Come and lead me to your bed
You gave me hope that I'd not lost her
And then thought it rather strange to see me smile-
as I don't do too much smiling these days.
She put on happiness like a loose dress
Over pain I'll never know
"So the peace you had," she says,
"I must confess, I'm glad to see it go."
We're two white roses lying frozen just outside his door
I've made you so happy and so sad,
But which should I be more sorry for?
Come kiss my face goodbye,
that space below my eye and above my cheek
Cause I'm faint and fading fast, I see a darkness
And I shall be released.
I'll pass like a fever from this body,
And softly slip into his hands
I tried to love you and I failed,
But I have another plan.
My Lord, how long to sing this song?
And my Lord, how muchmore of this pretending to be strong?
When she stands before your throne
Dressed in beauty not her own
All soft and small, you'll hear her call
"you brought me here, now take me home."
current mood: cold
current music: Silencer - Me without You
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| Monday, March 13th, 2006
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5:08 pm - some idealistic future
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A - Available?: Yup
A - Age: Almost 23.
A - Annoyance: human stupidity
B - Best Friends: Chris, Mark, Jason, Rob and Clay.
B - Bar: currenlty The Blue Bar.
B - Birthday: May 8th
C - Crush: Don't really have one right now.
C - Car: Havent had one in a few years.
C - Cat: Meow and Batcat(a.k.a Bruce Wayne)
D - Dead Pets Name: Gimpcat.
D - Dads Name: "Wild" Bill.
D - Dog: Auggie, Louis and Yuri
E - Easiest person to talk to: Myself
E - Eggs: scrambled
E - Email: I have several
F - Favorite color: blue
F - Food: pizza
F - Foreign Slang: Do cyberpunk terms count?
G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Bears.
G - God: which one? or do you mean the Jewish/Christian god?
G - Good Times: may baby birthday parties
H - Hair Color: back to my normal brown..I hope it continue to darken to black like my big sisters.
H - Height: 6 ft. even just about.
H - Happy: When Im having pizza.
I - Ice Cream: strawberry sherbert
I - Instrument: drums
I - Idol: My idols are all comic book heros.
J - Jewelery: I have two friendship bracelets.
J - Job: Ive done a bunch of different things.
J - Jokes: I like to tell them. I like to make people laugh and smile.
K - Kids: can be total hellions but I want some of my own someday
K - Karate: I want to learn Muy Thai kickboxing.
K - Kung Fu: see above.
L - Love: playing my nerd games and listenign to music
L - Longest Car Ride: I would say the drive to LA from Dallas.
L - Longest Relationship: a little under 4 months
M - Milk Flavor: chocolate :D
M - Mothers Name: Rebecca
M - Movie Last Watched: Batman Begins while I went to sleep last night
N - Number of Siblings: 3
N - Northern or Southern: Southern
N - Name: Thomas Jacob Bowles also called Jake, Jacobi and a list of other names over the years. Nicknames never stick with me besides Jake.
O - One Wish: To be blissfully happy.
O - One Phobia: heights
O - Otter Pop: havent had one in years
P - Parents, are they married or divorced: my mother is dead but my parents were married for over 15 years.
P - Part of your appearance you like best: my stature
P - Part of your Personality you like best: willingness to help others
Q - Quick or Slow: mentally or physically?
Q - Quail: things used to bother the hell out of me when I would be driving around in alvarado
Q - Queen, which was the best: Any of the Pentangents, since Im descended from them.
R - Reason to smile: crystal blue eyes
R - Reality TV Show: should all stop, writers shouldn't have gone on strike
R - Right or Left: righty
S - Song Last Heard: Nothing Better by The Postal Service
S - Season: Spring is coming, my favorite season.
S - Sex: it has been awhile, I could go for some, yes
T - Time you woke up: 11:30-40 a.m.
T - Time Now: 4:56 p.m.
T - Time for bed: when I manage to fall asleep.
U - Unknown Fact about me: I would give up my hands to hug my mother one more time.
U - Unicorns: I wish I had one.
U - You are: starting to get hungry
V - Vegetable you hate: zucchini.
V - Vegetable you love: okra
V - View on Politics: politics are stupid, thats my view on politics
W - Worst Habits: cracking my nuckles and telling others they're stupid too often
W - Where are you going to travel next: hopefully someplace fun
W - Waffles: are best used as ammuntion in waffle fights taking place between me and Maite.
X - X-Rays: I've had many over the years. I've broken a lot of bones.
X - X-Rated: again, yes, I would like sex
X - Xylophone: wood xylophones set to four or five octaves are fun to play on :D
Y - Year you were born: 1983.
Y - Year it is now: 2006
Y - Yello: thats what I say when I answer the phone
Z - Zoo Animal: koalas are badass and so are penguins
Z - Zodiac: Taurus
Z - Zoolander: I think there's a copy around here somewhere that Mark left...
________________________________
Nothing Better by The Postal Service
(male)
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
(female)
I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
(male)
I can't my darling i love you so...
Oh, oh
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
(female)
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutras
(male)
I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
current mood: hungry
current music: Such Great Heights - The Postal Service
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| Sunday, March 12th, 2006
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2:45 am - Stolen from Trin, again
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You scored 13 Extremely Dark, 12 Extremely Light, 13 Somewhat Dark, and 12 Somewhat Light!
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| Description 1 |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 41% on Extremely Dark |
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You scored higher than 60% on Extremely Light |
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You scored higher than 35% on Somewhat Dark |
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You scored higher than 17% on Somewhat Light |
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| Friday, March 10th, 2006
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3:18 pm - Stolen from Trin
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| Your Luck Quotient: 62% | 
You have a high luck quotient.
More often than not, you've felt very lucky in your life.
You may be randomly lucky, but it's probably more than that.
Optimistic and open minded, you take advantage of all the luck that comes your way. |
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| Monday, February 6th, 2006
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4:12 pm
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www.drmcninja.com go there. read it. it's one of the funniest things Ive read in a webcomic since some of the orignal twoflower stuff. ah, the days of the mechajesus.
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| Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
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11:05 pm
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Internet Obsession
What's Your Obsession?
brought to you by Quizilla
Jung Explorer Test
Actualized type: ENFP
(who you are)
| ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population. | Preferred type: ESFJ
(who you prefer to be)
| ESFJ - "Seller". Most sociable of all types. Nurturer of harmony. Outstanding host or hostesses. 12.3% of total population. | Attraction type: ENFJ (who you are attracted to)
current mood:  blah
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3:38 pm - stolen from Trin
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| Your Seduction Style: Au Natural | 
You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.
You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?
You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you. |
| You Were Nice This Year! | 
You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list.
You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year.
Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good.
Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight? |
current mood: relaxed
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| Saturday, December 10th, 2005
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10:57 pm
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| You Are Blitzen | 
Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa.
Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying!
Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean eggnog martini. |
current mood: lazy
current music: The Postal Service - From Such Great Heights
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fremen_born's journal